Every thursday! But for how long?
Updated: Feb 1, 2019
I just got home from helping constructing a terrace. It was -1 degree and I have never worked under weather conditions like this before. The first two hours my body was freezing and I could barely feel my fingers. But then it started to be ok and i realized again how beautiful circumstances that we aren't used to can be. I was really put into the moment focusing on all the details. Looking at the stones i was moving around and truly recognizing how sensitive we are.
Now I am back writing on my second BLOG entry in my life. It is going to be interesting how far I will take it with this. I never liked writing too much. I was more of a drawing person and constructing things. Either out of Lego or out of cupboard. I was only allowed to watch TV for one hour when I grew up, so I was kind of forced to get creative from a early age. I cannot thank my parents enough for that.
I am now just realizing how nice it is to write in English. I barely have to write words with a capital letter and I always make mistakes with this writing in German. Also the I is always big and if I write it small like this "i" it is with a red line in my word file. So I always have to praise myself by writing the I in a big letter. So I am somehow more important in English than in German. That is funny since America can be seen as a more ego driven country from a certain perspective.
I think I could write for hours without needing to stop. My brain can be very active. There was a day in my life in which I was so sad about the great life I am living but to need to forget it one day because time moves on. So I decided to write a diary. Also in this diary I wrote everyday how much i feared death from 1-5 because a lot of times during this span of my life I couldn't fall asleep well because i was constantly afraid of non existence.
Back then writing in my dairy was more of a task then joy. Today I write with more joy and so much has changed since then. I wrote a lot of dairies by now. Most of them I have thrown away because it was too much to read about me. I still have some and maybe one day I will post some of the writings I did in there. I think it would be interesting for some.
My curiosity about existence was and still is so strong that this energy has really pushed me to my limits and above. Now I know there is no end to this and i can relax where I am today. I hold the believe that no moment comes twice and is a miracle in itself. Sometimes I am able to live a whole week like this. I am constantly amazed by this world and especially earth.
I can sometimes start to read our reality like Neo in the Matrix. I see unconscious patterns that people follow and then I wonder how they do it. How are they not aware of it. But then I also do not really know. Maybe they are and have decided to just follow the flow.
One thing is for sure. I have never been normal or regular. For me it was always very difficult to live life according to the system or society. Sometimes I feel blessed having this opportunity on my journey. But sometimes it can be very exhausting. Nevertheless it brings me to ideas and places that make me feel like not many have been there before.
I might be wrong but I might be right. I might be both at the same time or neither of them. That is something I have learned throughout my travels and life. Nothing is for sure and nothing is certain. Right and wrong are individual or collective believes but they are never absolute. The only absolute I have got to know is existence itself, which has only one quality and that is to exist.
Tomorrow I will continue to exist as well and so will everybody and everything else.
What I choose to do with that as one aspect of source energy?
I will let you know every Thursday.
This is I, lit, living the life & wishing you a nice Trip!
from the heart,